Two Little Duckies
by Zanvire
Summary: Vince always wanted a pet... Maybe two river ducks will do. A oneshot written by the brilliant buttonsmagoo and myself. please read and review.....x


**A/N: - Hey! It's Laura and Jamie! (Toxix-torri and ButtonsMagoo) we thought we'd come together and write somthing, so here we are.**

**Discalimer: - We dont own the Boosh, neither of us - Sadly as it belongs to Noel and Julian and BBC and of course babycow - we own none of that, Damn. Oh yeah all but George and Delia, we have the super responsibility of owning them!! p**

* * *

Vince strutted into the Nabootique; the soft tingle of the doorbell echoing behind him. He slung his Lambretta messenger bag down on the floor and slumped into his usual sitting place next to the window.

"Morning." Howard said quietly over his newspaper, his voice slightly broken up and croaky.

"Hey! What's wrong with your voice?"

He placed the newspaper on top of stationary village and took a long slurp of his black coffee.

"Hey, what's wrong"?

"Nothing" Howard mumbled as he stood up and stumbled up the stairs without even glancing back

Vince just stared after him, a look of confusion painted across his face, he carried on staring for another two minutes almost as though he was willing Howard to come back through his 'mind powers' after failing this is got up from his seat, flicked the sign on the shop door to 'Sorry, we're closed' and slouched up the stairs after his friend

Three steps from the top there was a loud crash followed by silence. Fearing the worst Vince leaped up the remaining stairs and glided in an urgent fashion through the door. Howard was lying on the floor looking up at him. Two little ducks were sitting in the sink. Their silky feathers looked extremely glossy in the gleaming sunlight that was streaming in through the small window...

Vince did a double take, from the ducks to Howard back to the ducks "why are there ducks in the sink?' he thought wandering over the two creatures splashing around amongst the pots from last nights take-away. Their shiny feathers drawing the electro boy towards them and away from the real problem, Howard.

"Excuse me" Howard said glumly "what about me?"

Vince simply turned his head and looked dazed at Howard.

"They're so shiny"

Howard sighed a deep sigh. You electros and your shiny things he thought to him self. "Are you going to help me up then?"

Vince stuck his bottom lip out and gestured to the bathing ducks, his blue eyes growing to the size of dustbin lids, Howard just folded his arms (well as best as he could) and glared at Vince who was whimpering.

"Vincent..."

"No!" Vince shouted snapping out of his plead at the fear of his full name being called out.

"Michael..."

"Please!!" Vince cried, dropping to his hands and knees and crawling towards Howard.

"Oliver..."

"Ok, ok! I'm sorry!"

"Good, now get over here and help me and then we can see to the ducks."

"Yay, ducks" Vince seemed to have converted back into his childhood. He was probably remembering the days when he used to visit his aunties farm. Ever since he had adored animals especially ducks. Eventually Howard was propped up on the sofa whilst Vince was pouring water over his feathered friends. "Can I name them please, please? I'll be your best friend Howy." "You are my best friend Vince. I suppose you can name one but let me name the other." Vince carefully picked up the white one. "I'm going to name her... Delia

Howard just looked at Vince.  
"That's a boy."  
"Oh...well it's a boy called Delia, what're you calling yours?"  
"Sid."  
"Sid?"  
"Yes, Sid."

"Why Sid?" Vince asked surprised "why not Prunella or Derrick?" Howard pondered a while and then said " how about George?"

"Its cute, but not too cute. I think it might just work" exclaimed Vince

Howard just tutted playfully and agreed.

"George and Delia - sounds like a cooking duo."

"Yeah, "Yeah?"

"Where did these ducks come from?" Vince asked

"Well, I was at the park this morning and I saw bob fossil. He was dancing around a pot and these ducks were sitting in that pot quacking their little hearts out. I just couldn't leave them there so I picked them out and ran off with them."

"Howard, that's stealing though isn't it?"

"Yeah, but it was either that or bob fossil."

"Oh well... shouldn't we take these back?" Vince moped, sad faced.

"This is one instance when giving them back wouldn't be right. I think bob fossil was going to eat them. I mean look at poor George would you want him to be eaten. "No." Vince muttered "I didn't think so" came Howard's reply.

"Well what are we going to do?" Vince asked.

"We could fill the bath up with water, and sprinkle some of those soap leaves you have in there."

"Yeah but its soap, they drink that and they'll be ill."

"Well, how about you put them in the bath with luke warm water and just chuck your rubber ducks in"?

"yeah, give them some company"

"we need food for them."

"yeah"

"do they like marshmallows" Vince asked seriously

Howard just looked at Vince.

"No, they'll get stuck in their beaks. Get some bread."

"who doesn't like marshmellows?" howard gave vince a peircing glare "alright, alright. dont look at me like that! i'm getting them the bread." "good, il get the bath running."

Vince was dancing around the kitchen 'Noah and the whale' jammed in his head, he grabbed the handle on the breadbin and pulled it up taking Hovis from the box, Howard screamed making Vince drop the bread and run to him.

"Delia's shit on me."

"dont be stupid howard. everyone knows birds cant shit. they regurgetate their waste." "wow im impressed, you know what regurgetated means. but really how can you be so dim. everything needs to shit or they get constepated. pass me the bread so i can get this damn bird off me" vince passed the bread to howard and he opened it effortlessly with one hand, took a slice out and chucked it onto the floor. Delia followed.

"Serioulsy. This isn't going to work." Howard said as the two birds began to fight over 7 peices of bread - both going for the same peice.

"Aww but Howard they're soo cute and shiney!"

"shiney, is that all you want? you could have a piece of metal if you wanted... thats shiney."

"dont be mean you know i love fluffly, feathery, shiney ducks, and yes i know im exceeding your expectations of my vocabulary."

By this point Howard had pulled out a dictionary.

"This is phenomenal."

"what?"

"I knew it was too good to last."

"huh" came vince's gaumless reply

"never mind, look these ducks."

"yes."

"..."

"ducks?"

"these duck here!"

"what are we going to do with them? Naboo will be back and we will need a good excuse to fool that shaman. Bollo, oh god you know bollo doesnt get onj with other animals." "well, we could... nah never mind."

"go on"

Vince jumped up onto his bed, dropped to his bottom and began to rip the stuffing from his pillows.

"What are you doing?"

"I'm getting my pillowcase."

"Why?"

"so I can put the ducks in them."

"are you completely stupid? what are you going to do when you fall asleep? you going to squish them. and then what, all our efforts will have been for nothing." " well, when i go to bed, i will put a bowl of water out and put delia and george on the floor so they can have a drink and snuggle up together."

"Ok, but now you've only got a pillowcase to sleep on and about 2tonnes of feathers."  
"Uh no, cause feathers are light."  
"A tonne of feathers is heavier than a tonne of gold."  
"Thats the same unit of measurement!"  
"good point."

"your not just a fashion god are you?" "nope" "it doesnt matter i will get the spare one out of the cupboard." 2good idea"

"right what are we gonna do about these ducks? we're getting in a panic and straying off into different conversation regions."

"well howard im keeping them"yeah i know"

Vince and Howard stood in silence for a while, shuffling their feet and looking up at the sky. When one of the ducks started to to flap its wings, Delia had seen the open window and decided that it wash her escape route

she walked over to george who was preening his speckled wing. they seemed to whisper something to each other and then all at once they took flight. they flew streight out of the open window without bothering to look back. a solitary tear ran down vince's cheek.

Howard patted Vince on the back.  
"Now c'mon little man you've still got your rubber ducks."  
"I guess." Vince sighed.

they walked back to the lounge silently. vince gently slipped his hand into howards and sat down.

Howard's eyes widened at the bodily contact.  
"Vince didn't I ever tell you to not touch me?"  
"Yeah but oh well, he shall we have chinese again tonight?"  
"Yeah, go on then."  
"You're buying."


End file.
